everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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