Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
