Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize