I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize