I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
