we have pet lesbian snakes
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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