Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
