i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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