I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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