i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
