what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
