Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up under a house in Key West
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