Porn is love you can see.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
