im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
