he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
