don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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