Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
