he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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