I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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