i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize