You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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