last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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