Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
