....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
