I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize