he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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