It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
