she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
