So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
