Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize