You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
