after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
