I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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