We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
