Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
