when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
