There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
