you lied. pity sex is amazing.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
