I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
