Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
