tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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