Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
