plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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