I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
