I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize