I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
