I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
