I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
