Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
