I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
