News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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