I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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