You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
