just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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