WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize