there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
