I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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