her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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