1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
