The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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