Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
