all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
