the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
