for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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