Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
