I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
