All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
