The maid of honor just puked.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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