Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he shaved USA in his pubs
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
