i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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