Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
