you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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