I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize