so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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