Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
