idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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