Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
