she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You ruined the universe
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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