We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
