If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize