He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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