Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
