Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
