i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
there is puke in my bra ... again
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
