I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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