So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
