Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
