I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
