I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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