Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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