I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
