So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
