So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
