I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize