I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it glows. i had to have it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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